Gym and Exercising

A new sort of gym has emerged for those who find the actual gym environment 
sterile and far from motivational and the competitive workout syndrome unbearable (you know how other people eye your treadmill or bicycle monitor and try to exceed your pace or pedalling?)
So, what is the answer? Outdoor exercising and extreme challenges. 
Prepackaged gym exercising is not the trend anymore. People prefer a breath 
of fresh air while doing some inline skating or some tai chi in the green
environment of parks.
Another alternative - hold on tight - is 'mallercise', in other words, power
walking while window shopping in malls! If a breath of fresh air is not what
attracts you you may go window shopping in shopping centres and
power-walk, march up stairs and escalators and keep fit.
The first solution is generally preferred by younger people, in the 
second case studies have shown that the average age of participants 
was 66!
Thus, these are the new trends in gym and exercising in the USA,
Canada, UK and Australia.
Heck, we might even live to see supermarkets transformed in
exercising emporiums...  if they add some hi-tech to the shopping
trolleys which will show the number of calories burned while circling
the aisles for merchandise...

Earthlings - watch, think, act!

I've been trying to convince people (my friends and family included) to eat less meat for quite a while now, but i lost hope...people will never become environmentally conciuous as long as things like the ones in this documentary happen.

Earthlings is an award winning documentary narrated by Joaquin Phoenix (PETA member) that uses hidden cameras and never-before-seen footage to chronicle the day-to-day practices of the largest industries in the world, all of which rely entirely on animals for profit.

Earthlings is tough, overwhelming, compelling, provoking. It took years to be made, but it was worth the effort. It's a must for those who are convinced of people's humanity. It raises questions (without preaching) and hopefully, it'll make you think and ACT!

Official website: http://www.isawearthlings.com/

Full video: http://veg-tv.info/Earthlings

Homi Bhabha on Mimicry

"Mimicry is, thus, the sign of a double articulation: a complex strategy of reform, regulation, and discipline, which 'appropriates' the Other as it visualizes power. Mimicry is also a sign of the inappropriate, however, a difference or recalcitrance which coheres the dominant strategic function of colonial power, intensifies surveillance, and poses an immanent threat to both 'normalized' knowledges and disciplinary powers. (...) [The subjects of colonization] are also the figures of a doubling, the part-objects of a metonymy of colonial desire which alienates the modality and normality of those dominant discourses in which they emerge as 'inappropriate' colonial subjects"
What may emerge from Bhabha's essay is a characteristic of inauthenticity, repetitiveness, hollowness of the echo represented by colonized cultures in contrast to colonizer cultures which may be seen as vital and creative. But the 'conqueror' does not have complete powers over the 'victim', and the pattern of mimicry is not unidirectional in all cases. Since acording to a poststucturalist postulate every repetition also involves difference, it may also be a subversive defense mechanism.
Undermined from within by instability and double-standards and from without by colonial success, the Self/Other equation of colonization is conflicted. The Old World-Europe- as the colonizer- imposed its culture on the colonized territory, on half the world, in other words. But a colonized space such as the New World-America, in time, has become more than an inferior and infantile version, it has become a space of regeneration, exceeding the limits of the Old World. The New World has assumed the role of colonizer in its turn, it has visualized power and, while remaining an object of colonial desire, it has extended its own influence over other territories. The greed of its own colonial desire extends far and wide.
The actual thoughts that came to mind reading the quote above from Homi Bhabha were related to the Romanian culture, no matter how far off it might seem from such relations between colonizers and the colonized. Yes, the Romans did colonize the Dacians. Yes, our territories were in turn occupied by the Ottoman Empire (whose mode of ruling occupied territories, though is not classified as colonization) and by the Austrian-Hungarian Empire (much closer to the colonization mode of acting). What it did make me think of was present day commodified colonization - or Americanization. On TV, we watch American movies, series and shows. The Internet provides in itself another medium which requires a knowledge of the English language. English is taught in most, if not all, schools. We celebrate Halloween, Valentine's Day and the firework show on the 4th of July is simply more impressive than any I have seen on the 1st of December. We are not Anglicized in a British way, but Americanized. Slowly, but surely.
We mimic and emulate a society/culture we want to identify with since our own is disfunctional and is characterized by issues we are unwilling to tackle. We believe that by copying another culture which has solved some of the problems confronting us today, we will simply solve them. Quite unlikely, isn't it? The solutions for our problems need to stem from our own society, solutions discovered in other cultures will not function in our own.
I am not offering a solution, simply noticing some puzzling facts. And they are puzzling indeed. In Eastern Europe there is a country dreaming the American dream, although on waking up it will realize that it is unreachable, unattainable. Young people dream of going to America - the land of all possibilities: they want a better life, they want jobs that actually pay. They desire the vastness of the American continent, and once there they vow never to return, stripping our own country of its values. Thus, those who could dream better dreams and enact them in their own country, the generations to come, become so engrossed in their own dreams that they desert the dream of the country as alien to them; therefore the colonial desire of the New World prevails in stealing away those that might implement changes later on in our culture/society.

Wasting Time

No, not me, not this time. I’m here to record, this time, the history and obscure reasons of other people wasting time and wasting other people’s time. I’m talking about the videogame industry. Now don’t cut me to pieces for saying games are a waste of time. I never said that. I play quite a lot myself. There’s this evergrowing monster of a game, a colossus that has sold over 100.000.000 (let me spell that for you: a hundred million) copies worldwide, called The Sims. Its history is funny: it used to belong to a nice company called Maxis. Then it was swallowed up by EA. And in the end it got its own studio within EA, so it has returned to being somewhat independent. But all this is beside the point. What I really want to talk about is DRM.

DRM stands for Digital Rights Management and is a type of program that is supposed to keep people from making illegal copies of games (and other things, but we’ll stick to games in this article) and from using the same perfectly legal copy of the game to install the game on several computers so that the game can be played by someone who has just borrowed a legal copy even after the borrowed copy has been returned. Basically, it’s there to keep people from playing the game if they haven’t paid for it. That’s a good thing, right? I mean there are so many people working day and night, metaphorically sweating in the sun on the gaming plantation, for years and years (it’s true about The Sims, it takes many years to make a new Sims game), surely we must repay them and give them a few bucks for their effort. Just think of the beta testers pulling out all-nighters of non stop playing so that the game can come out perfect. Ok, ok, this last part was sarcastic, especially knowing the endless number of bugs the Sims games do come out with. The latest Sims patch solves so many problems that the list is three pages long. But I really do believe that the games are worth the money and all these people working on them deserve to be paid.

So where is the problem? Well, DRM software doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t prevent good Samaritans from finding ways to crack it and make free copies of the game available on the internet. And the only difference between having the original game and a cracked illegal copy is that, with The Sims, if you have a legal copy you can register on the official site where you can download custom content, and benefit from technical support, and, trust me, considering how buggy the game is, you’re gonna need all the technical support you can get. So, basically, the people making DRM software are just wasting their time. Let’s look at the latest version of Securom, which comes with the game Mass Effect. It was massively and effectfully cracked in just one day. So the point is? The point is the poor DRM software makers are trying to make a living here, they have wives and 5 kids at home, give them a break! Of course games need DRM. Besides, the guys cracking this enjoy a challenge and would get bored and give up altogether if a new version didn’t come out every now and then. Why should we care?

And, in truth, the advantages of having a legal copy, at least in the case of the Sims games, were obvious. If they wanted fewer illegal copies being played, all EA had to do was keep up with the bugs (yes, they are doing a wonderful job at it) and give away to the registered legal gamers a free item every month. No big deal. They even had contests for registered users, it was so inviting… Join our community today, buy a legal copy now! I could have designed a whole marketing campaign based on that.
However, lately, there have been more perks to having a legal copy of the game, thanks to the aforementioned Securom.

Securom, or, as gamers affectionately call it, Suck-you-rom, is a nice little DRM thingy that takes it upon itself to finish off your computer, so that you could never copy it or use a cracked copy. How does that work? Well, it seeks out and destroys all emulation software, software that enables you to create an image of a disk on your computer, so you can’t use an image of the disk instead of the real disk. It also disables your CD and DVD burning software so you can’t burn anything on DVD anymore, therefore you can’t burn an evil copy of the game. Plus it sends data back home to its mother company, informing them of who you are and what you are doing on this computer. For this purpose it messes with your antivirus because your antivirus wouldn’t allow just any program to access the internet without your knowing it, the way Securom does.

So one morning, almost a year ago, when Securom was first used on a Sims 2 expansion pack, thousands of happy simmers around the world woke up to realise that they can no longer burn CDs or DVDs and that even uninstalling the game will not uninstall Securom and undo the damage to their computers. There are the heartbreaking stories of women who could no longer burn to DVD and keep for eternity and posterity the last video they had made of their father before his death. But mostly there are the angry cries of those who simply wanted to back up their Sims saved games on DVD, just to show you that the addiction is that serious.

There are threats of even worse versions of Securom in the future, versions that only allow you to install the game 3 times, when Its Buggyness requires one reinstallation every 6 months or so to work, or ask you to check your registration on-line every 10 days if you want to keep playing. But for now, the greatest privilege that the buyers get out of their legal copy is the impossibility to burn CDs and DVDs and higher risk from viruses and worms and trojans.

Now, since that can’t be accepted, some good souls have hurried to provide a Securom-free version, the illegal version that can be downloaded from the internet and doesn’t cost a thing. The only catch is that it’s as buggy as the original and any attempt to patch it will install Securom. Yes, the patches you can find on the official site include Securom, and even a more drastic version of Securom than the one that came with the game. So basically, it’s not enough that you’ve borked up your computer with the game, now you have to destroy it completely if you want the game to do what it was supposed to do in the first place.

In their generosity, EA has provided a way of uninstalling Securom, which appears not to work. But the internet is full of good-hearted people, and one can find out there detailed instructions on how to truly remove it. This involves going into the Windows Registry and deleting undeletable entries, and one false step can destroy your computer entirely, but, hey, it’s a risk worth taking. I mean people who play EA games must be masochistic daredevils, just look at all the bugs and all the complications they are causing! After that, you need a no CD file that allows you to play the game without the original CD, basically a crack. So you buy the game legally, and then you have to play a cracked version, not to mention all the trouble you go through with uninstalling Securom. It looks like it’s just easier and cheaper to download a cracked illegal copy in the frist place.

So, let’s recap. People making DRM are wasting their time because games are being cracked and distributed for free anyway. And those making Securom are also wasting the time of those who buy legal copies of the game because they have to manually and painfully uninstall Securom if they want their computers to work properly. Should we call it the time-wasting industry?

I love Naomi!

by hyacinth.bleuvert

what a craze!!!!! is everyone dieting???? and updating about it??? hmmmm.....I think it´s just like a relationship in hollywood - sounds so cool at first and everyone is giving them names (e.g. Benifer) and hoping they´ll last, sometimes they even have kids, or sometimes it´s just short and passionate....but everyone knows that it won´t last :)). but since we are all so into it let´s just pretend this time it IS the "love", pardon,, the diet of our lives, the one that will make us thin and sexy, the one after which we´ll never put on extra weight ever again, the one that will get us the boyfriends we want (in my head I just sounded like Mary Alice in DH, that was weird) and, ultimately perfect lives. cum merge dieting outside Romania in the land of excellent chocolate and other sweet temptations?

well....dupa ce sambata acum 2 saptamani am inceput cu ritualul de cantarire, masurare, stabilire de obiective:sa nu mananc dulciuri, sa nu mananc seara, sa beau doar apa si ceai, sa nu mananc prajeli....da, si mie mi s-a parut f negativa chestia asta cu interzisul tuturor chestiilor, asa ca am zis ca am voie sa mananc fructe, am voie sa mananc salate, am voie sa ma dau cu crema anticelulitica....bineinteles crema is a must si dimineata si seara, macar dimineata sau seara....apa/ceai, da, cel putin 2 litri...si sport, macar de 2 ori pe saptamana. am zis ca dc timp de 2 saptamani respect aceste lucruri pot sa trec mai departe la lucruri mai marete, care aici m-ar usura de mii de euro. dar daca sunt ambitioasa si ma tin de treaba, merit.

curioase despre ce e vorba? se pare ca impachetarile cu ciocolata si vacuum provocator de vanatati care nu au avut efect in Romania nu m-au invatat nimic. asta pentru ca o colega de-a mea brainwashed me into thinking this stuff really works. she had a baby...si avea 74 de kile. acum are 54. a tinut regim si a facut masaj si LPG (lipodrenaj something)....totusi nu vreau sa dau banii pe asa ceva in conditiile in care eu mananc 15 feluri de dulciuri...unde eram? la ziua de sambata cand am stabilit obiectivele principale. totusi mi-am spus ca nu pot incepe dieta inca, trebuie mai intai sa termin toate ispitele din dulap/frigider/casa...which i did...pana luni cand seara inca mai aveam 2 bucati de ciocolata care trebuiau manacate....insa nu am exagerat cu nimic. nu am facut sport....o luam usor, nu toate deodata!!!!!pana miercuri 21!!! atunci am dus bomboane la servici. si mi-au mai ramas si mie. multe. multe din fiecare.....cum de mi-au ramas? nu stiu, e un mister neexplicat. si de atunci a inceput declinul...da, stiu ce spuneti acum. a existat vreodata un trend ascendent? imi place sa cred ca eram pe calea cea buna :))...the peak a fost vineri cand am mancat pizza seara (orele 21.00) in oras. am continutat sambata la petrecere cu friptane, dulciuri de 12 feluri (tiramisu, placinta, tarte au citron, banana bread, bomboane...yummmm, adica yuckkk that is al so so bad...bad bad bad!!!!!) si inclusiv la 2 noaptea.....duminica nu am vrut cred sa crap my style, sa-mi ies din mana si desi m-am plimbat cu rolele vreo ora, dupa aceea am mai bagat o pizza ca mi-era pofta. si desi de luni teoria era ca reincepem dieta, dieta fue un poco retrasada, postoned, almost cancelled altogether by naomi. you know who naomi is. it THE cake...THE ORGASMIC CAKE....

dupa aceea marti am continuat cu bomboane de ciocolata din stoc. miercuri a fost apogeul. era ziua unei colege si am mancat 2 portii de tirmisu, 2 portii de inghetata cu fulgi de ciocolata si una cu lamaie, si bomboane de ciocolata alba si neagra. ai zice ca scopul vietii mele e ingrasatul si ca my middle name este devoratoare de dulciuri. oricum am inregistrat si o victorie miercuri. toata lumea a mers la restaurant seara dar eu am mers acasa ca sa evit pizaa. deci am preferat sa fiu antisocial decat sa adaug si pizza la lista neagra. as fi putut sa-mi spun mai conteaza (si oare mai conta?) dar m-am tinut tare pe pozitii. cand am ajuns acasa mi-era o foame de lup (mi se pare mie sau de la dulciuri ti se face si mai foame?). oricum e greu sa fii constient ca nu e bine sa te infometezi....asa ca tot am mancat niste pepene si un kiwi...iar de ieri am reluat lupta. am reusit sa mananc doar de dimineata cereale, masa de pranz niste pui cu cartof fiert si seara pepene. am baut cam 1,5 litri de lichid. si am fost la Pilates.

de dimineata, ca si voua autosugestia puternica imi subtia silueta in oglinda. bineinteles fundul meu nu se mai vede de celulita. e bine ascuns. sper sa il scot la suprafata candva (am primit si o crema cu struguri de la occitane de ziua mea...maybe I should use it...si am nici mai mult nici mai putin de 5 feluri de creme anticelulitice acasa, manusi/aparate de 3 feluri ptr masaj..) si mai sper sa il ridic un pic, sa-l fac mai indraznet, ca acum e undeva pe la calcaie de la "atata sport". si in plus oricine ar reusi sa isi dea seama unde se termina fundu si unde incep soldurile mele ar fi un campion.

asa. PILATES. incepem cu rezultatul. nu am febra musculara, in schimb ma doare gatul, ma dor umerii si spatele. si cu asta v-ati dat seama cat de corect am facut exercitiile. mai corect spus insa este ca nu prea am facut exercitiile. I spent most of the time telling myself while she was giving us the instruction: are you shitting me??? are you serious? u can´t be serious? are u kidding me? yes, the mental convrsation was directed to the instructor, who btw looks great...nu e d-aia plina de muschi naspa, e chiar misto modelata...da, e greu, mai ales ptr o persoana completa a-sportiva since forever. i´m willing to go there and try and try....dar sincer acuma: chiar trebuie sa ne puna sa ne tinem burta supta toata sesiunea? chiar trebuie neaparat sa facem exercitii si cu picioarele si cu mainile si in pozitie de abdomen??? come on, we´re only chocolate addicted humnan beings with a propensity to acute laziness!!!! still I will give it a shot. acum insa mi-e foame. nu am nimic la indemana asa ca poate mai iau o gura din ceaiul de slabit cu lamaie pe care mi l-am adus la borcan. dar va jur ca mi s-a parut ca am slabit!!!! mai vorbim. ca daca nu ma opresc aici reluam sectiunea "how to avoid actually working at your workplace"

Around the world in (10x355)+(3x356) days

Expedition 360
Out there (somewhere, don't ask for exact latitude and longitude) there are some morons (in others' view admirable people) who would actually go on a trip around the globe exclusively in man-propelled vehicles! How long did it take? 13 years!
Jason Lewis, self-entitled "self-powered English circumnavigator", had absolutely nothing better to do than quit his job, put his life on hold and set on such a journey. This epic journey was sprinkled with difficult times and hilarious moments. The difficult times - while rollerblading through America - he was hit by a car driving by with a speed of 65 miles/hour - at the wheel a palsied 80-year old with cataract. It was a hit and run (did the old man actually run? my guess is he simply did not see Jason) that left our main character crippled - two broken legs which kept him off-course for 9 months! A hilarious moment (for us, since for him it was painful and later embarassing) - he used to sleep on the side of the road/freeway when he was rollerblading through America and on such an occasion he woke up to feel his groin was on fire...it had been invaded by red ants (for those who don't know, they sting like hell). He definitely could go no further in his tight rollerblading pants so had to buy something more confortable, larger, baggier around the afflicted area...the only thing he found were woman's culottes...so in Alabama he was rollerblading wearing those and had long hair so cars coming from behind would inevitably whistle until they passed by him and saw the beard!
Well, this is all I'm reporting from this adventure land of loonies...You know, for a trip which took him only two years to plan...it went quite smoothly...
Oh, apart from the fact that the guy is claiming that he travelled for 13 years to raise awareness about fossil fuel propelled vehicles...I think he made the point that (apart from fossil fuels resulting in pollution) they are faster, cheaper, and get you where you need to be in your lifetime!
Imagine people planning: Hmmm, next year I have a conference in Turkey (considering we live in Romania, which is not that far)...let's arrange our trip ahead...buy a tent, a bicycle, rollerblades, a cayac...and now you're ready to set off...you'll probably get there in time if you start ... like...now!

I have just returned in the Iron Age and have moved into a cave...apparently for the rest of the summer I won't have hot water...due to repairs...
the morons are apologizing profusely and hoping this will not inconvenience those poor bastards living in the affected area
I might just adopt a cavewoman look and style...promise not to wash or comb my hair in the foreseeable future

X( ...am mad...soooo mad

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Adventures in DietLand

Adventures in Diet Land 1, Miercuri, 28 Mai 2008

Buna ziua, ma numesc Dietici Leneveanu si am misiunea periculoasa de a intra in adancurile dietei pentru a va oferi cele mai proaspete detalii din lupta impotriva kilogramelor. Sa va dau mai intai cateva detalii isotorice asupra premiselor acestui razboi. Statul expansionist cu politica colonizatoare Grasimea, s-a dezvoltat nestingherit de-a lungul a aproape doi ani, ajungand sa-si mareasca suprafata cu aproximativ 25 de kilograme in aceasta perioada. Expansiuni ale Grasimii au mai existat si in trecut, dar niciodata nu au cunoscut o intindere atat de mare. Statele invadate, Sanatatea si Silueta, pun aceasta expansiune imensa pe seama noului aliat pe care Grasimea si l-a facut in ultima vreme, statul nou infiintat Rispolept, care a ajutat aliatul mai vechi al Grasimii, Lenea. Impotriva acestei triade malefice, se porneste de azi o lupta crunta. Atacatorii nu sunt slabele state invadate, ci puternici conglomerate, asemenea UE si SUA, care isi baga coada unde nu le fierbe oala pentru a aduce pacea in zona prin omorarea a mii de oameni nevinovati. Deci, ca sa revenim la Razboiul Dietei, bravii opozanti ai expansiunii Grasimii sunt Regimul si Sportul. Cele doua state si-au propus sa reduca teritoriul Grasimii cu 30 de kilograme, de pe care sa colecteze toata grasimea (petrolul) sub pretextul organizarii unui stat independent, si a alegerilor libere. De acum inainte voi fi de partea lor si voi raporta razboiul prin perspectiva lor, pentru ca orice incercare de obiectivizare ii va face sa ma distruga si pe mine. Sanatatea deja se pregateste sa capituleze in fata lor, iar liderul Siluetei se stie ca e de fapt omul lor. Vointa si-a afirmat si ea sprijinul fata de cele doua state colos, dar se stie ca forta ei este foarte redusa si se pare ca nu va participa la lupta. Se pare insa ca Iubirea vrea sa sustina Vointa din interese complet idealiste. Actualul presedinte al Iubirii, ales cu o majoritate zdrobitoare de voturi la alegerile din mai 2005, urmand o perioada de cateva luni de haos dupa moartea presedintelui anterior, este recunoscut ca un idealist cu capul in nori. Toata lumea civilizata se mira in continuare cum campania sa bazata pe sloganele “Salvati Lolita” si “Vrem copii cu ochii oblici” a putut tine la public.

Deci, dupa acest scurt istoric, sa revenim pe front. La aceasta ora (11:09) ostilitatile inca nu au inceput. Lenea a avut prima desfasurare de forte de intimidare, printr-o sculare tardiva la ora 10. Apoi s-a incercat innecarea fortelor Rispoleptului intr-un val de cafea, fara prea mare succes. A urmat masurarea situatiei reale de pe teren. Greutatea totala 76,5kg. Ma asteptam la mai mult, pentru ca am mancat ca porcul vreo 2 zile dupa ultima cantarire care arata 77 fix, e drept ca dupa masa, nu pe stomacul gol, dar se pare ca mersul pe jos jumatate de ora ieri si mai ales 2 ore duminica (au, picioarele mele!) au ajutat sa tina in frau expansiunea Grasimii. Deci Sportul s-a miscat pe ascuns inca inainte de declararea ostilitatilor. Tipic pentru un stat justitiar ca el.

Ora 11:22. Ostilitatile inca nu au inceput. Iubirea, stat neinterventionist, a decis sa puna muzica coreana pentru motivarea soldatilor. Asa ca acum ascultam o melodie relaxanta, numai buna de adormit. Liderul Vointei, motaind, reuseste sa schimbe pe muzica din Bleach, dupa ce degetelul i-a alunecat periculos pe folderul cu emisiuni radio cu Lolita. Din pacate, incepem cu ending songs, care sunt la fel de motaitoare. In paralel, intr-o lume ideala fara razboiae si conflicte armate, outlook express-ul descarca pasnic cele 124 MB din casuta mea de mail veche, pe care n-am mai verificat-o de mult.

Pentru ca lucrurile nu se misca, va prezentam in continuare un interviu in exclusivitate cu generalul major Suncagros, conducatorul armatelor combinate ale Aliatilor.

“Acum sa va dezvalui planul de atac. Stiu eu din experienta mea de gamer pasionat ca in Sims 2, daca un sim e gras, lucrurile functioneaza in felul urmator: se scoala de dimineata din pat, mananca, face un dus, se urca pe bicicleta, pedaleaza 6 ore fara pauza, se da jos, face un dus, se intoarce pe bicicleta, pedaleaza alte 6 ore fara pauza, dupa care se da jos si burta dispare brusc cu un poc, lasand o zona concava in loc. Dupa care se baga in pat si totul s-a rezolvat. Deci mi-am facut planul sa pedalez, dar stiti, sa pedalez pana cad lat. Dupa care, cand cad lat, logic ca voi fi prea obosit sa mai mananc.”

Mentionam ca pentru a avea bicicleta in jocul de Sims 2, este nevoie de expansion pack-ul Free Time.

Haideti sa vedem ce se alege de planul generalului Suncagros. Generalul pregateste trupele. Tine un discurs infocat soldatilor Sportului, pe care se pare ca vrea sa-i trimita primii pe front. Pe fundal canta “Tsumasaki” cu refrenul “Mi-am facut manichiura.” si “Hei, in ce culoare iti vopsesti ghiarele?” E o melodie foarte lively, asa ca trupele se indreapta spre tancuri, se urca si... pedaleaza cu incredere spre front! Sa vedem cat tine! Ora 11:41 start!

Uita-te la trupele noastre cum pedaleaza si ridica mainile alternativ in ritmul muzicii si canta cat ii tin plamanii “Nee, kimi no tsume, nani iro ni sumeru no?” Bravo baietii! Tineti-o tot asa! Rispoleptul e invins! ... Huh? Da, evident n-a durat decat 3 minute entuziasmul, dar trupele slabite continua sa pedaleze. Intre timp asistam la mai multe atacuri esuate din partea inamicului. Mai intai Lenea incearca o durere de genunchi pe flancul drept. Apoi tranteste curiozitatea pentru cele 3 mail-uri primite si necitite. Apoi o durere de fund, tot pe flancul drept. Dar baietii nostrii se tin tare! Nu avanseaza ei, pentru ca pedaleaza pe biciclete de camera, dar entuziasmul lor strabate pana dincolo de linia frontului, bagand groaza in inamic. Cred ca o sa va trimti cantecul nostru de razboi, “Tsumasaki”.

Gata, entuziasmul a durat 11 minute, dupa care cea care a oprit armata aliatilor a fost tocmai Sanatatea, motivand o ameteala, probabil plantata de spionii Lenei. Baietii se dau jos transpirati de pe bicicletele lor si se reped asupra sticlei cu apa plata. Am timp sa scriu aceste randuri cat ei isi trag sufletul. Verific si mail-ul. Am 6 mesaje in astea 11 minute. Fetele, ati lucrat ceva.

Ora 12:07. Generalul Suncagros insista sa continuam ostilitatile. Am gatul uscat, ma dor muschii si curg apele de pe mine. Stati putin baieti, eu sunt doar reporterul, de ce trebuie sa pedalez si eu? Chotto matte yo! Unde ma tarati? Nu, nu vreau! Nu pe bicicleta! Nuuuu!

Am rezistat inca 14 minute, deci un total de 25 min azi. Daca ma cantaresc acum, am cu 3 kg de apa mai putin. Ultima melodie pe care am pedalat a fost “My Pace”. My pace my ass, this is torture! E mult prea lively ca sa fie my pace. Deci, dragi cititori, ati ascultat comentariul de pe front al lui Dietici Leneveanu, care si-a riscat viata pentru a va aduce ultimele stiri proaspete. Pentru voi, am intrat in focul luptei si mi-am periclitat sanatatea. Stati o clipa, am un mesaj in casti. POFTIM????!!!?!?! Cum adica abia acum incepe? Alo, baza, baza, ma auziti? Cum adica abia acum incepe? Sunt obosit, transpirat, vreau sa-mi fac un dus si sa ma culc! Cum adica ordine? Cine da ordine? Generalul Suncagros a adormit la umbra acolo, sub tei. Nici un ordin! Poftim? Armatele combinate lae Vointei si Iubirii? Parca aia nu luptau cu noi. Da-i dracului de molai! Nu primesc eu ordine de la astia! Ataca? Cum adica ataca?

Stimati ascultatori, o stire de ultima ora. Statele neutre Vointa si Iubirea au inceput ofensiva. Pentru ca li se pare ca Sportul si Regimul nu avanseaza destul de repede, conducatorii lor militari au pornit la atac, nu impotriva inamicului direct, nu impotriva Triadei Grasime-Lene-Rispolept, ci impotriva propriilor aliati, pentru a-i impinge de la spate sa avanseze pe teritoriul inamic. Doamnelor si domnilor, asistam la un razboi nemaiauzit. Este ca si cum Vaticanul si San Marino ar ataca brusc America si UE. San Marino este Vointa, ca sa stiti cata vointa avem.

Va oferim in continuare in exclusivitate un interviu cu comandantul fortelor Iubirii, care se prezinta sub pseudonimul de LolitaLover353, pentru ca e prea las sa-si dezvaluie adevaratul nume.

“Dintotdeauna poporul nostru a stiut ca lui Lolita ii plac anorexicele” [nota reporterului: aceasta informatie a aparut acum cateva zile] “de aceea luptam cu toate fortele pentru ca Grasimea sa dispara cu totul de pe pamantul sfant al Coastelor si cel al Claviculelor. Nu ne vom opri, nu ne vom odihni, nu vom manca si nu vom respira pana cand Coastele si Claviculele nu vor fi eliberate! Acesta este un Razboi Sfant, o Cruciada in numele dreptatii si al dragostei, avem o misiune divina sa crush the infidels!”

In acest moment, Lenea retaliaza. A pornit la razboiul de intimidare si arunca din elicoptere care ne survoleaza pamflete si fluturasi pe care scrie “Lolita e in Japonia, nu vei ajunge niciodata acolo!” si “Yankees go home!”. Serviciile noastre secrete incearca inca sa decodifice sensul celui de-al doilea mesaj, dar LolitaLover353 cade rapus de un balot cu astfel de fluturasi care i-a cazut in cap, aruncat cu totul din elicopter in graba sau lenea soldatilor. LolitaLover353, you will be missed. Eu ma duc la dus.

Warp speed break-ups & make-ups

by Virginia Rispolept

Poate va intrebati cum se desfasoara o relatie intre doua balante. O relatie intre doua balante este ciclica. Mai intai una vine cu o idee si cealalta o aproba cu entuziasm. Apoi, vorbind despre realizarea ideii, se cearta din ce in ce mai rau. Pana la urma amandoua isi pierd rabdarea, isi baga picioarele, isi strang jucariile si pleaca. O vreme nu mai vorbesc una cu alta. Apoi amandoua cedeaza in acelasi timp si fiecare e gata sa faca ce vroia cealalta. A doua zi dimineata prietenii comuni sunt surprrinsi sa le vada brat la brat sau bot in bot, dupa caz, de parca nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat. Mai mult, ideea se pune in practica cu un succes zdrobitor.

Ieri am trecut prin tot ciclul asta cu ronin810. A venit cu ideea sa facem un blog in comun, all 5 of us, actually all 6. Venise cu ideea de mai de mult, dar am ignorat-o. Ieri m-am entuziasmat si eu (stiu ca am viteza de reactie scazuta) si m-am apucat serios sa pun blogul pe net. Ne-am certat asupra titlului si asupra continutului si am hotarat amandoua in acelasi timp ca nu mai facem nici un blog. Pana la 10 noaptea deja ronin810 spunea ca pot sa-l numesc cum vreau, iar eu il numeam cu numele ales de ea. Azi suntem cele mai bune prietene. Cred sincer ca numai o balanta ar putea resista unei relatii cu o alta balanta, pentru ca daca nu profiti de schimbarile astea de 180 de grade cand se produc, nu faci nimic cu ea. Imaginati-va un om normal care are o astfel de cearta cu prietena din Balanta pe la pranz, iar ea seara vrea sa faca sex ca si cum nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat. El va fi inca suparat si ii va refuza tentativele de impacare. Tentativa unica, de fapt, pentru ca ea, daca o respingi o data, a doua oara nu te mai deranjeaza, se duce la vecin. Pana cand ii trece lui supararea, ea va fi trecut deja prin cateva cicluri din astea de nervi si mare dragoste, isi va fi facut bagajele, va fi plecat si se va fi intors de cateva ori, iar daca omul are ghinion, cand ii trece lui nimereste exact in perioada ei de draci. Doua balante, insa, vor oscila amandoua la fel de repede, spre disperarea vecinilor si nedumerirea prietenilor.

Adventures in DietLand

Adventures in Diet Land 2, Joi, 29 Mai 2008

by Virginia Rispolept

Buna ziua, sunt Dietici Leneveanu si va prezint... zzz... Mda, se vede ca e vara si toti si-au pornit aparatele de aer conditionat, mai ales Albinuta. Avem, in consecinta, cate o pana de curent la fiecare 24 de ore. Ieri a fost noaptea si nu m-a deranjat, dar azi mi-a intrerupt transmisia directa de pe front.
Sa revenim. Va voi prezenta mai intai evenimentele zilei de ieri, de dupa incheierea transmisiei noastre. L-am lasat pe generalul Suncagros dormind la umbra si fortele Sportului epuizate. Fortele Regimului inca nu intrasera in actiune, iar generalul Iubirii fusese anihilat de pamfletele Lenei. Situatia era insa imbucuratoare si se preconiza o victorie zdrobitoare. Victoria zdrobitoare a fost insa de partea Axei Grasime-Lene-Rispolept. Dupa ce Lenea pierduse teren in fata Sportului, pe seara Grasimea a trecut la contraatac printr-o bine tintita pofta de pizza. Agentii infiltrati ai grasimii au reusit sa ne convinga ca dupa atata miscare o pizza nu poate sa strice prea mult. Cu toate astea, Vointa a obiectat. Dar, va repet, Vointa este un stat foarte slab si fara vreo putere politica sau militara. Iar cu fortele Iubirii dezorganizate de moartea generalului LolitaLover353, nimeni nu s-a putut impotrivi expansiunii Grasimii.
Deci, in runda a doua, Grasimea a invins in fata Regimului si a recucerit tot teritoriul castigat cu sudoarea fruntii bravilor nostrii ostasi.
Dar sa vedem punctul de la care pornim azi. Trecem cu greu peste trupurile soldatilor lesinati pe campul de lupta pentru a cauta linia granitei si a masura extinderea Grasimii. Este un moment crucial. Oare cine a castigat ieri? Oare o singura pizza cu bacon, salam, sunca, porumb, ardei, ciuperci si masline se poate compara cu truda soldatilor nostrii? Care e verdictul? 78kg. Imposibil! Stupoare generala. De la o pizza?!
“Stati!” urla cineva in multime. “Aceea nu e granita Grasimii, aceea e Fasia Constipatiei la care se adauga micul dejun de azi, pe care l-ati mancat inaite de masuratoare, ca prostii! Cineva sa aduca repede un supozitor cu glicerina! Soldati, mars la WC-uri!”
Cu asta ne-am mai revenit, dar problema constipatiei ramane. Ce ar face Lady Cécile? Lady Cécile e un personaj dintr-un roman de adormit copii in 10 volume, directoarea unei scoli de magie. Pe vremuri, de cate ori eram constipata ma gandeam la Lady Cécile in lumea ei magica. Lady Cécile nu era niciodata constipata, ea, daca avea probleme, bea o potiune facuta de nepotul ei, un fel de hibrid intre Profesorul Snape si proful meu de fizica din generala, si asta rezolva toate problemele. Si azi Lady Cécile isi face efectul si, dupa un sfert de ora in care o vizualizez semnand hartii si dand ordine nepotului in biroul ei, trec la o a doua cantarire, mai norocoasa.
Iata ca Fasia Constipatiei a disparut si granita Grasimii se intinde acum la 77kg. Lady Cécile e purtata pe brate de soldati in uralele multimii. Si totusi, suntem la jumatate de kilogram mai mult decat ieri, lucru pe care nu putem sa-l punem in totalitate pe seama micului dejun de azi, pentru ca cele 2 felii de pizza ramase de ieri pe care le-am mancat nu cantaresc atat. Dar purtatorul de cuvant al Sanatatii (mai tineti minte, statul invadat de Grasime, Sanatatea, care pana acum n-a miscat un deget?) ne linisteste ca astia sunt muschii care au crescut in urma efortului de ieri. Bufnim cu totii in ras si-i spunem sa-si vada de fluturasii lui, dar tare ne-am dori sa fie asa. Trupele sunt demoralizate si nimeni nu pare sa vrea sa miste.
Dar iata un omulet pirpiriu, in uniforma de general al Iubirii, care se agita printre soldatii Sportului, tragand de ei sa treaca la lupta. Ne grabim sa-l intervievam si descoperim ca se numeste LolitaLover354 si este succesorul lui LolitaLover353. Multi mai sunt, domane? Generalul LolitaLover354 are pe agenda trezirea tuturor soldatilor si punerea lor la treaba “chiar daca asta m-ar costa viata!” Incurajati de eforturile lui si rusinati de esecul de ieri, soldatii Regimului distribuie cani cu ceai de slabit. tabara se trezeste la viata. Totusi, nimeni nu misca.
Generalul LolitaLover354 pune la bataie cartea lui secreta. E faimosul dragon cu ochii albastrii din Yu-Gi-Oh, e forma bankai a sabiei lui boante de razboi din Bleach, e vraja Giga Slave din Slayers si eu bat campii aici pentru ca habar n-aveti de toate astea. Deci in boxe se aude, cu sonorul la maxim, “Ienai kimochi”, cantata de Matsumoto Rika si Ishida Akira. “Daca nici asta nu-i trezeste,” spune LolitaLover354 stargandu-si transpiratia de pe frunte cu o batista cu Xellos din Slayers desenat pe ea, “atunci imi fac sepuku.”
Generalul Suncagros se pare insa ca o apreciaza pe Matsumoto Rika, pentru ca isi aliniaza soldatii si urla “Drepti! Prezentati bicicleta! Incalecati! La atac!” Deci razboiul reincape, mai crancen ca niciodata, la ora 11:10.
Si soldatii nostrii pedaleaza cu ravna, cantand cu voci de soprana refrenul “ienai kimochi dondon suki ni naru” in timp ce LolitaLover354 da din cap vesel si aculta cu ochii inchisi. Pare mai slab si mai plapand ca azi dimineata, probabil ca intr-adevar munca asta de incurajare il termina.
De data asta prima repriza de bicicleta a durat 15 minute. Baietii avanseaza cu fiecare zi! LolitaLover354 spune insa ca ii va munci pana la moarte, a lor sau a lui, care vine mai repede. “Vreau sa apuc sa vad o avansare adevarata in teritoriul inamic inainte de a muri,” spune el cu voce stinsa.
Soldatii Sportului se aseaza la umbra sa se odihneasca, iar soldatii Regimului impart din nou cani cu ceai. Se bea, se glumeste, se rade, se joaca carti, se fac pariuri. “Eu zic ca pana luna viitoare ajungem la 76kg,” zice unul. “100 de parai zice ca ajungem la 78kg,” zice altul. Colegii de companie il iau intr-un loc mai ferit, il leaga la gura si il bat cu bestialitate.
“1000 de parai pe 79kg pana pe 2 iunie!” zice tantos un tinerel cu mustata rasucita, aruncand nonsalant banii in dreptul soldatilor inversunati. Nimeni nu zice nimic, pentru ca asta micu’ e baiatul generalului al mare. Deja, asa tanar, e mare capitan si taica-su nu mai poate dupa el.
Capitanul Smecherel Suncagros le arunca un zambet satisfacut si le intoarce spatele. Imi marturiseste in particular ca are informatii ultrasecrete cum ca Mama vrea sa comande un tort de la Alice pentru 1 Iunie. “Asta nu e numai ca sa le dau peste nas, e o investitie,” imi zice el facand cu ochiul.
Desi ma bucur in sinea mea ca Smecherel o sa-si scoata banii, pentru ca e baiat simpatic, vestile astea noi ma ingrozesc. Unde va ajunge razboiul asta? Daca Grasimea pune mana pe bomba nucleara numita Tort de la Alice, atunci e sfarsitul lumii. Nimeni si nimic nu-i va putea sta in cale. Incidentul pizzei de ieri devine o glumita nevinovata, o joaca de copil. Simt nevoia sa informez pe cineva. Ca simplu reporter, nu pot sa ma implic, dar pot sa alertez opinia publica. oare pe cine sa anunt? Generalul Suncagros pare inabordabil, si mai si sta de vorba cu Smecherel, iar Smecherel mi-a spus mie astea in secret, daca afla...
Caut cu disperare generalul Vointei, dar armata Vointei s-a retras de ieri si pare sa fi intrat in pamant. Atunci, ca ultima scapare, il vad pe LolitaLover354. Il iau de-oparte, il pun sa jure ca pastreaza secretul, si ii povestesc tot. LolitaLover354 s-a facut alb tot, l-au luat transpiratiile, respira greu, il vad ca se clatina sub impactul stirii. El, saracul, cu armata lui inexistenta, nu poate face nimic, nu poate decat sa-i indemne pe altii la lupta. Si uite ca s-a facut ora 12 si generalul Suncagros nu mai da ordinul pentru al doilea atac al zilei. And it’s all downhill from here.
LolitaLover354 e numai piele si os. Pe fata alba ca varul i se zbate frenetic o vena disperata. Nu mai are arme ascunse, nu mai are cantece noi, nu mai are poze noi cu Lolita pe care sa le ofere ca mita soldatilor lenesi, nu mai are nimic.
“Vom face o strategie care sa nu fie bazata pe Lolita,” zice el intr-un final, sleit, de parca aceasta ar fi fost decizia cea mai dureroasa din toata cariera lui. “Punem muzica nou, fara Lolita.” Si se duce sa dea ordinele necesare. Cu coada ochiului il vad cum isi face cruce si sopteste “Lolita sa ne ierte!”
Si muzica incepe in forta cu “Kataomoi Fighter” (Luptator pentru o dragoste neimpartasaita). Suntem siguri, 354, ca asta nu are nici o legatura cu Lolita? Oricum, trupele se pun in miscare si pedaleaza timp de 15 minute si 45 de secunde. Pedalez si eu alaturi de ele, pentru ca situatia e grava. Cand cad extenuat de pe bicicleta, il vad pe LolitaLover354 prabusit la pamant. A fost atins? A lesinat? Alerg la el. Nu, e pe moarte. Slabit, palid, sopteste cu ultima suflare:
“Inainte baieti! Azi am progresat fata de ieri, nu?”
Ma grabesc sa-l linistesc ca am facut un total de peste 30 de minute, dar nu ma mai aude. Corpul lui neinsufletit s-a transformat in pulbere si e suflat de vant peste granita, spre pamantul sfant al Claviculelor pe care vrea sa le elibereze. Generalul Suncagros sforaie la umbra.

The gamer-mayor

Apparently a town in Oklahoma has elected a 19-year old gamer as their mayor. The kid is serious about his job and plans to initiate an independent ethics committee, and the townfolk has had enough of the same old political shenanigans. Some might wonder what they were thinking of, some might admire their spirit of innovation. What I wonder is: 1) will he rise up to the challenge? and 2) if at 19 he is a mayor...what's next?

it's been launched!!!!

The inception of this blog was proposed a while back, through the ingeniosity of ronin810...or at least by her serendipitous propensity of stumbling upon great ideas...it took a while for the 6 authors of the title to sort things out and the blog stumbled, got up, made a few steps, stumbled some more...so on and so forth...one of the great obstacles was the title, but it was sorted out in the end...thank goodness...since it was nearly the blow that killed it before it was even born.
This blog is mainly formed by events in our lives, by our conversations, by our interests, and perhaps our curiosities.
Since nobody else dared write the first word...I took it upon myself...(not everyone of the six authors has joined the blog yet, so I might have jumped the gun), so these were the first thoughts and I had the honor to pop the cherry...